Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
