I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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