wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
