Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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