We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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