Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
