The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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