The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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