I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
