Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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