I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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