I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
