New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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