I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
