Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
