Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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