and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
