I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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