Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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