The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
