I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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