I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
