Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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