Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
