I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
