he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
