You made me cry and you don't even care
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
