I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
