We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
