My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
