Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
