The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
