I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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