Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
