chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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