you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
