I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry about my life...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
