Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
