can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
