The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
