By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
