honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
