Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
