This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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