What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
