After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
