We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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