i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Im part way to drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
