I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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