Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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