I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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