toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
one two three fourrrrnication!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
