Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My vagina just clenched in fear
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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