corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
