I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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