I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
