opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
