All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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