so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
