i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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