im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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