We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
