So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
