Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
