you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
