I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
