I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch