fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.