I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
