our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".