I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.