I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
