There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
