its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
