U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
