i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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