Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
