if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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