I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
