I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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