# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
